The Blogging 101 course is challenging me to get out of my comfort zone. Yesterday’s assignment, to leave a comment on another blog was an intimidating task for me. I didn’t want to come across stupid, judgy, preachy, or offensive in any way. And, other than saying “Hey! Great post!” how can I comment without sounding like I’m back in my online college course trying to please my professor and classmates?
And, to top it off, I’m having a really hard time concentrating due to low testosterone levels (booster pellet next week! Woot! Woot!). So, putting together an intelligent, thoughtful post was a struggle. I prayed when I hit enter that the blogger wouldn’t find me stupid. One of the worst things I can imagine is someone thinking I’m stupid.
But, I’ve been following http://fitisafeministissue.com/ for a few years now and their topic of body image struck a chord with me yesterday. Pledging to love my body no matter what shape it’s in is difficult for me right now. I have been loving my fat & fit body for years now but it tries to change without any active or conscious effort on my part. What I mean is that my body is trying to morph into an unfamiliar shape. Not because I’m eating more or moving less. It’s getting bigger because my hormones are out of whack and out of my control. One of the symptoms of low testosterone in women is weight gain especially around the middle and upper thighs.
So with that, the self-doubt and fear of working out in front of people can be overwhelming. Our culture definitely promotes a narrow range of beauty and I don’t fall into that range. And, I find it difficult to muster the nerves to participate in group exercise. But, I do it. If only to prove to others that I can.
Another symptom of peri-menopause is scattered thinking and ADOS (Attention deficit oooh shiny!) As you can see from this post, I suffer from that too!