My Husband has been drumming for longer than I’ve known him and I’ve always watched him and others. I have even hosted one or two circles. I just never actively participated. Last summer, I had my first drumming experience when the Monks from the Drepung Gomang monastery were here.
I’m going to be honest with you…I have never felt comfortable enough to just lose myself so completely in front others. Do you know what I mean? I watch my Husband go away when he drums. I have seen people completely give themselves over to the drum and its beat.
But last year, when I was beating the drum mallet against a huge drum along with 6 other people, including two of the monks, I finally understood what that felt like. The vibration just kind of soaked into my soul. It was as if every beat against the drum was in synch with my heart.
So awesome was it then when I read this article on drumming and its effect on health and stress. Check out the videos of the people dancing to the drumming with such abandon! Oh, to be that free! Watch the drummers. There is no stress on their faces. These people are feeling pure joy.
When I hear this kind of music, it does make me want to get up and move! Stomping my feet! Waving my hands! Feeling the beat of my heart and the drum stamping out whatever stress I may be feeling! And, it can be any kind of music. Last week, during my workout, the song, Footloose came on and I just stopped what I was doing and danced. What an amazing experience!
Do you dance?
I’ve shared with you lovely readers that recently I haven’t been feeling all that great. Well, my mind is getting a bit better but I’m still experiencing pain. Pain sucks. It’s just an asshole. Lately, it seems that most days I have to force myself to move because it just hurts all the time. If I don’t move, I fear I won’t be able to move. And, when I don’t feel good I don’t write. So, of course, I’ve been struggling with the “oh my gawd, I need to write anyway because that’s what I should be doing but I don’t have anything to write about that anyone would want to hear anyway’s.” It can be a vicious cycle.
But, I do have an experience to share. It’s a victory for me in many ways.
My wonderful trainer has been hosting these ‘Get Fit,Get Food’ nights; we do some kind of workout for an hour at his studio and then go eat at a local restaurant. I have forced myself to go each time because I love him and want to support him. Plus, it’s on my regular weekly scheduled workout night. I really don’t have a legitimate excuse to not go. And, because it’s good to get out of my comfort zone every once in a while. I had a negative experience with another attendee the first time and was in tears on the way to the restaurant. But, my trainer is awesome and I ended up having a good time. Last night the fit part was pilates and my husband went with me. About ten people attended. Most of them were very thin and the woman that gave me a hard time at first session were there again. My pilates instructor was teaching this time and I’ve been attending her class weekly since last summer. She used me as the example for all these women to follow if they needed a visual. I was floored! I was also feeling a bit “Take that! In your face you judgmental jerk!” toward the woman that thinks I’m too fat.
Not a very Buddha-like thought to express but hey…there it is.
My favorite outfit in the world; leggings and a long, loose top. Today, I’m pairing this outfit with these awesome black slouch socks one of my sisters gave me. They’re beautiful. They make me feel good. Socks. Go figure.
But, think about it. The connections in my brain are jumping with memories these socks bring me. Slouch socks were good times. Teenage years are filled with angst, fun, and adventure. It is a time when hormones are in full swing! Teenagers feel EVERYTHING so intensely! You will most likely always know the words to your favorite songs from your teenage years. So, at a time, when my hormones are making me sad and teary, these slouch socks trigger my brain to feel that rush again. And I get a brief moment of pure joy during this peri-menopausal upheaval I am experiencing right now.
It’s crazy how our bodies and brains work together. I may not like what my body is doing all the time but I still find it fascinating. And, I’m grateful for what it does.
Tell me what triggers good memories for you.
The Blogging 101 course is challenging me to get out of my comfort zone. Yesterday’s assignment, to leave a comment on another blog was an intimidating task for me. I didn’t want to come across stupid, judgy, preachy, or offensive in any way. And, other than saying “Hey! Great post!” how can I comment without sounding like I’m back in my online college course trying to please my professor and classmates?
And, to top it off, I’m having a really hard time concentrating due to low testosterone levels (booster pellet next week! Woot! Woot!). So, putting together an intelligent, thoughtful post was a struggle. I prayed when I hit enter that the blogger wouldn’t find me stupid. One of the worst things I can imagine is someone thinking I’m stupid.
But, I’ve been following http://fitisafeministissue.com/ for a few years now and their topic of body image struck a chord with me yesterday. Pledging to love my body no matter what shape it’s in is difficult for me right now. I have been loving my fat & fit body for years now but it tries to change without any active or conscious effort on my part. What I mean is that my body is trying to morph into an unfamiliar shape. Not because I’m eating more or moving less. It’s getting bigger because my hormones are out of whack and out of my control. One of the symptoms of low testosterone in women is weight gain especially around the middle and upper thighs.
So with that, the self-doubt and fear of working out in front of people can be overwhelming. Our culture definitely promotes a narrow range of beauty and I don’t fall into that range. And, I find it difficult to muster the nerves to participate in group exercise. But, I do it. If only to prove to others that I can.
Another symptom of peri-menopause is scattered thinking and ADOS (Attention deficit oooh shiny!) As you can see from this post, I suffer from that too!